Post Dark Night of the Soul

On the August 8:8 portal I had written about my experiences with the Dark Night of the Soul process that had been going on since June this year. By the time I had written that article I was just coming out the other side of it and for a little while I was kind of in a bliss/light state. I began to wonder if I had finally rid myself of the negative, lower vibrations that we need to shed to evolve the spirit and ascend higher. I was in for a shock.

Returning to the Dark

Shortly afterwards my husband became ill with cancer and my job became rather demanding. I felt like everything was hitting me all at once and it had blown the sweet serenity I had achieved out of the water. I teetered on the edge of depression again for the first time in years, circling around the dark pit but not falling head first into it like I might have done in the past. This is one of the main reasons I haven’t been writing as much lately because I’ve not had the energy or time to.

A think a part of me felt disappointed that I had come so close to the light only to fall back into old patterns I thought I had progressed past. Yet it occurred to me last week that maybe this was part of the surrender process. That I was releasing my old depressive/stress patterns so they could be healed, and because I had worked through so much of my other emotional stuff this year we were getting to the hard nitty-gritty of it all.

Surrendering to the Light

The Sunday before the 10:10 portal I had a dream that seemed to epitomize the struggle of the divine feminine against the patriarchal system that we have been living in. There was mobsters, dodgy businesses, exploited women and all that, but towards the end I felt some kind of shift. A woman had taken over one of ‘the family businesses’ and although still dealing with the prejudices of the old ways something had changed to rectify the imbalance between the divine feminine and divine masculine. I remember waking from that dream feeling that despite all the craziness of the world something important had just happened. It gave me some strange kind of comfort as I approached my next day of wading through life.

When I hit the evening of the 10:10 portal I had a moment of relief. Before going to sleep I had asked for my higher self and spirit guides to help me with some rejuvenating and healing energy. I wanted to wake up fresh and ready for the next day, which I knew would be another long hard slog at work after months of pressure. What happened was an incredible energy surge. My heart chakra opened up a lot and it felt like I was breathing in light energy through my heart. I grounded with the Earth on a deep level and I felt like I was in my own cocoon of loving light. My own zero zone. Time went kind of fuzzy and I was aware more than asleep most of the night, but it was a profound healing experience that brought the much needed relief for my mind, body, and soul.

I felt my spirit guides working on my lower charkras and noticed stuck energy breakdown, move out of my body, and down into the Earth for transformation. There was a kind of surrender to the moment. It felt good to know that even if I could not see them I had many beings around me who were willing to aid me as I got back on my feet again after such a knock down. The process did exactly what I had asked for and it gave me confidence that I was still heading in the right direction – even if it looked like I was treading water and getting nowhere.

Beyond the Ego Fog

At the end of this portal week I could see there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I should wrap up the project I’m working on by next week. Once I could see an end in sight a weight seemed to lift from my shoulders. I was almost done with this. I noticed that gratitude crept back into my consciousness. I had been so self absorbed at times I couldn’t follow a conversation with others, let alone take in what they were saying and process it. One of my guides, whom I’m in almost constant contact with, helped me by talking to me to drown out my ego mind so that I didn’t keep falling into the circular thinking that wanted to say “poor me” in a constant loop. Can’t thank him enough for that! It helped give me some perspective that I was in sore need of. I remember coming out of this “ego fog” to look around me at the other passengers on the train. I realised that everyone around me was going through their own ascension process whether they realised it or not, because there were still incarnate on Earth. That inspired me a lot and helped to grant a little more patience for those who got in my way or didn’t look where they were going and so forth. It reminded we that we are all in this together with mother Earth.

I’ve come to think of this process of ascension and transforming the negative within more like a pendulum: swinging in and out of the darkness, in and out of the light, until the energy settles down again into balance. Before that can happen we have to go through the extremes to clear away all the old baggage that no longer resonates. Having reached such a high point after the Dark Night of the Soul, it was easy to think “this is it!” so it isn’t surprising in hindsight how disappointed I was to end up in the muck again shortly afterwards. It just doesn’t appear to work like that! Resisting where I was also didn’t help because all it did was wear me out and kept myself on a low vibration. I think in this case it was also necessary so that I realise that resistance in futile to my core; so I could surrender to it all, knowing that this too is part of my healing process.

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