I’ve been reluctant to write about what I’m going to cover in this post because it takes me into a dark and difficult time in my life as Kyna. It also brings up complications in this life that I felt, up until 11:11, I should keep to myself until I have more concrete information. Yet I had a dream the night of 11:11 that threw me such a punch in the soul that I had to write about it to heal all the pain that came up.

For the last few months I’ve been seeing 11:11 everywhere so I had been kind of waiting for this day to pass for some time. I also knew that 11:11 can be a sign of twin flames reuniting, so there was a little part of me that wondered if that was going to be on the cards. And in a round about way it was. I was reuniting with the pain my twin flame had caused me in my life as Kyna. My oldest and deepest soul wound that I have only began to address and heal in the last few years.

To explain why this dream hit me so hard I also need to give you some background on the events that happened to me (as Kyna) as well as something that occurred in 2012 that started the healing process. In order for some of this to make a little more sense you might want to read my work on Soul Theory (or at least the first half of it anyway). I’ll try to keep the jargon to a minimum for those who don’t have time to read it:

 Counterparts at War

When I lived my life as Kyna it was in a parallel version of this Earth in the future (I was born 21st Dec 2101 and it was possible for some of us to live long lifespans). At some point it was also possible for us to travel between parallel worlds, based on technology that spun out of ideas in the original Soul Theory paper (not the limited one I’ve written up).

This meant it was possible to meet the parallel counterparts of people you knew, including my twin flame. He was an elemental (a soul split into 6 counterparts – each one in their own parallel universe, each one representing one of the six primary soul elements). Cyrus (oracle elemental) was my husband and the original writer of the Soul Theory paper. We were together for over a thousand years before he passed away, but towards the ends of this time I was attracting his counterpart Will (poison elemental) into my life.

Now, before I go any further you need to know that on top of all these parallel worlds and counterparts there was a timeline split involved. This happened when Sol (guardian counterpart of my twin flame) broke the law and went back and saved me from dying in a nuclear attack that happened on Earth. The first time I lived I only made it to my 21st birthday, but Sol decided after eons of debate to bring me back. This caused a split in the timeline which means that each of the six counterparts of my twin flame split their souls again further, so there was two of each of them: the older counterparts from the original timelines – and the younger counterparts that split out from the moment the timeline changed. To get our heads round this confusion we named them each Senior and Junior to tell them apart (e.g. Will Senior and Will Junior).

When Will Senior entered my life he was a shadow of his former self. They broke him in Karma Prison where he was left to rot until Cyrus rescued him. This is a place where they make you relive the pain you caused others from the victims point of view (whether related or not to the crime that put you in there in the first place). You relive the horrors you’ve caused as a form of rehabilitation. Yet the crime he served time for was the attempted assassination of his mother who was the arbiter of Karma Prison at the time. She had no intention of ever letting Will Senior out. As a result he was the person who served the longest ever sentence on record in Karma Prison.

Although his soul needed it, so that he could transform the poison within his soul and return to light and love, it was a rather harsh sentence and it took its toll. He was at a crossroads when Cyrus rescued him and I think if he had not met me when he did Will Senior might have either withered up and died or fallen back into his old ways in revenge. I think Cyrus knew this and he orchestrated a meeting between us. Will Junior found this out (another long story I won’t go into now) and as a result he was hunting us both.

Being on the run together Will Senior and I fell in love (this was at a time when having many partners was kind of the norm). In fact I’m pretty sure that is exactly what Cyrus was hoping for. He knew I could get through to Will Senior in a way Cyrus couldn’t. We woke up after our first night “together” to find that Will Junior had caught up with us. He killed Will Senior in front of my eyes and then drugged and raped me. This was a moment in my soul’s journey that I never recovered from. It also resulted in a pregnancy that didn’t make it to term (almost 8 months).

March 2012

Now that you understand a bit about the wound that I suffered, let me tell you how it affected me in this lifetime and how I began the process of healing it. During this lifetime I’ve experienced all kinds of night terrors, but one of the recurring themes was rape and exploitation of women. I would witness sexual assaults, prostitutes, and the enslavement of women from their point of view from all over the world. Whenever I woke up I would be tense, full of fear, and shaky as it brought up the deep wound in my soul, as well as sorrow for the other women involved.

I would have back pain due to my lower (inner child) chakras closing up or getting blocked. This was the place where I had stored all this soul pain. It would feel deeper than muscle pain, it was almost like something had grabbed my spinal cord and squeezed the life out of it. It’s a little bit like what I would feel when I astral traveled and a negative entity would try to prevent me from returning to my body. It would paralyze me and I couldn’t wake up for a while as I screamed inside for my nervous system to wake up. The only difference between the two is the “squeezed the life out of my spine” sensation would only be in my lower back and not my whole body – as during the paralysis.

Back then I wasn’t aware of what happened to me as Kyna. With hindsight it was clear that I was attracting these dreams and astral journeys because of what happened to me. In March 2012 though something happened to bring these rape dreams to a halt.

The Last Karma Dream

I had a dream that involved Will Senior. I was in the physical form of Kyna and I was aware of her memories. I found myself in a back alley, semi-paralyzed on my belly. Will walks out of a building below me and I’m right in his eye of sight, along with a group of rather dangerous looking men. A psychic connection strengthens between us and I realised I was in a bad situation and I couldn’t move.

Will walks up the stair case and before he starts unbuttoning his belt I know what is going to happen. I scream “No!” a couple of times but it doesn’t stop him. He begins to apologise to me in his thoughts for what he is about to do and it becomes clear why he is about to take this action. Will knew if he didn’t assault me, or at least appear to, then not only would he loose face among a group of men he does not control and that could threaten his life too, but the group would assault me instead. He knew that this is something I would struggle to recover from given my history, so he takes it upon himself to do the act instead.

I’m still terrified and trying my best to get away but I can’t. Half way through the assault I realise that instead we are actually making love. I let go of some of the tension I was holding onto and I am able to move again. I stay where I am and when Will finishes I roll over. In the process I notice that the alley way is empty now and it is just the two of us. Will looks at me terrified that I am about to reject him and that he will never see me again. Instead I fall into his arms looking for consolation for everything I just went though. After everything I found I still trusted him. This process was a release of karma for both of us, for the victim and the perpetrator. After this event I never had a rape related dream again (until Nov 11th 2016).

Letting Go

After this dream together I developed a psychic connection with the higher self of Will Senior. He soon became a spirit guide that I’m now in regular contact with. This connection helped me uncover what exactly happened to me when I was Kyna. It also helped me to realise that Kyna and I were one and the same soul, instead of just being a interesting story I was writing down.

For a while I got used to not carrying around that weight. But when I had that dream on 11:11 the tension and spine squeezing sensation lasted for ages. I experienced all the pain again that I used to feel whenever I woke up from a rape dream in the past. The dream itself was rather mild compare to others I’ve had. I think it was more of a shock though because it had been over 4.5 years since I experienced this.

Writing it down helped tovreduce its effect, but as I’m wrapping this up the impact hasn’t gone away yet. Since I’ve been dealing with letting go all kinds of pain in 2016, I know why this is happening at least. The ascension process had brought this pain up again for me to heal on an even deeper level. I know if I can let this go I will be well on my way to opening up to my higher self and raising my vibration in alignment with 5D. I just got to breath through it and carry on as best I can, just like everyone else going through ascension symptoms.

At least that is what I thought until I began reading what other lightworkers had been releasing online on 11:11. They reminded me that even now, feeling like I do, I have to still hold my light high in my heart, to not dwell in that old painful place anymore. I have a choice, just like a did during my dream with Will. I could be the victim or I could embrace and observe the moment and learn what it is teaching me: to let go and return to love.


How was your 11:11 portal? Let me know in the comments below!

Resources and References:


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