Compared to June – which was full of energy, direction, achievement, and growth – July has been a very different animal. It has been a difficult month, compared to the ease and flow of the one prior. It feels like we have been pulling the roots on negative behaviors and outlooks tainted by pain. It been ripping off the band aid from my Dark Night of the Soul wounds and picking off the flaking scabs.
I realised yesterday that life has pushed me to improve from many subtle angles of late, so much that I needed to start writing all this out again. For the last 6 months I didn’t need to write from a cathartic point of view. When I found myself bursting into the tears many times this week I knew that I needed a more healthy outlet. I realised that, however I may have described this blog in the past, this was also a place for me to work through this emotional whirlpool that is the path of ascension.
Early Soul Wounds
A lot of things have been coming up for me to let go of this month. One of them has been a early wound around being awake among the sleeping. I’ve been getting into arguments about how much I need to sleep recently. The energy waves hitting us now often wear on me and sometimes I need sporadic naps or early nights to compensate.
It used to be that when I experienced profound depression or anxiety over what I needed to do that day, that I would hide away in bed. Yet that is something I have overcome in the last 5 years. Now when I sleep more it is to do with my ascension symptoms for the most part. Yes my days can be busy, and that is always a factor, but it’s not the totality of it. Yet I cannot state this as the reason to my husband. He is not there yet.
So every time we get into an argument over it there was apart of me hurt because if he knew this side of me, and was awake to the same level as I am now, he might give a little allowance for it. When we fight it twinges an old wound where people didn’t get me as a child when I could see, hear, and understand things that the adults around me were blind to. I was extremely psychic as a child and I’m sure I understood things about life and source that I have since forgotten and have had to relearn during my awakening (and some I’ve yet to discover).
There was always a part of me that resented the fact I had to forget to begin with. I was already there, why did I have to leave it behind when I was already there? Why did I have to be misunderstood and blamed and fall into this density, when they could wake up and see? Why did they demand I fall into suffering? I dug into this until I got down to the core of the wound: the fall into density to begin with. My very first wound no doubt: separation from source (and to be surround by others already fallen).
When I was young I had to make a decision to give up my connection with source and the higher dimensions to immerse myself into the 3D world. To forget so I could remember again: to return to where I begun to know it for the first time. It was a painful moment. I felt under pressure to do this from everyone around me. It felt like tearing out a piece of my soul to fit in. Looking back now it’s easy to see why I had to take that step but back then it felt like I was caving in. That I was being untrue to myself.
I know that I’ve yet to uncover the way I thought and saw the world back then. Yet back then I could not of conceived of what I have learned by taking that final step into the world I was born into. So I guess it is only fitting that one of the things I’ve noticed about some of my dreams recently is I’ve been reliving some of my other incarnations. I’ve been touching base with some of the roles and personas I’ve played out for source. It has shown me that this life I’m leading now is only one of many roles I’ve played. It has shown me to not get so attached to them, they serve a purpose, they are an expression, but they are not everything. That ‘other’ is what we are. The pain of taking on the role, the fall into physical density, that separation complex, that forgetting of who we are: source, god, the ground of consciousness – however you define it. Our first wound is when we forget our divinity…
Since this has played itself out in my mind I find myself becoming the observer more often. I look out and realise this is the visual sensory data of the body. I am the one watching it, analysing it, witnessing it. I am not limited to it and nor is every thought that arises within ‘my mind’ from ‘me’ too. I have been the observer of many incarnations both on this Earth and other planets. My soul is the accumulation of all those memories infused with source. No wonder it takes us so long to unravel ourselves from the lower dimensions of so many lives!
July has been about wiping out those last remnants before the Lion’s Gate next month (8th of the 8th). I feel that portal coming strong. In fact I’ve felt it for a while, but since July hit I’ve strengthened my belief that something big is coming our way. I feel the energetic build up and this is what July has been preparing us for. I know we also have some powerful eclipses coming in August too. We are in for a stellar ride. It maybe rough sometimes, it maybe awe inspiring, but it should be something to remember.
What do you feel is coming next Month? I’d love to know your thoughts below!
Edit: The day after I wrote this blog post I read an article called Collective Consciousness Co-Creation of Timelines on Energetic Synthesis that overlapped with many of my experiences this month. I wanted to include it here as a resource for further reading.